


Betsy

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Rated E For Nekkid [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Peter Parker/Top Wade Wilson, Dildos, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Masturbation, Moving In Together, Peter Parker Loves Wade Wilson, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Rated E for Nekkid, Spidepool - Freeform, fluff and humour and smut, horny boys, rocking chairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:54:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: Peter and Wade move in together and Peter discovers his boyfriends favorite rocking chair(this is every bit as ridiculous as you think it's gonna be)
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Rated E For Nekkid [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860217
Comments: 18
Kudos: 490





	Betsy

**Author's Note:**

> @ncts-rated-e-for-nekkid is my new Tumblr side blog just for explicit prompts and short stories. All stories can be found here on AO3 in the "Rated E for Nekkid" series!

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Wade held tight to Peter’s hand as he led him through the halls of their new home and towards the door that led to the basement. “You know how you said we shouldn’t buy a place with a basement because it would just sit empty?” 

“Uhhhh, no?” Peter shook his head, eyes closed tight behind the blindfold. “No, I don’t remember saying that. I _do_ remember saying that we shouldn’t buy a place with a basement because I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that people die there and are never found again. Basements are murdery, Wade.” 

“Eh, potato, po-tah-to.” Wade jimmied the always stuck doorknob open– okay it was a _little_ murdery that the basement door stuck and then creaked open real slow, a tiny bit murdery– and carefully carefully walked Peter down the weirdly steep and _yes_ sort of creepy with the very thin railing stairs. “Anyway, I was thinking maybe you’d feel different about it if we spruced the place up a bit.” 

“Ohhhhhkay?” Peter blinked a few times when Wade snatched the blind fold off, then blinked a few more times when he saw the lone rocking chair sitting beneath a single bare bulb in the middle of the room. “Oh yeah. Yeah, this is _much_ less murdery. I’m going back upstairs.” 

“No no no wait!” Wade grabbed Peter back and ignored the petulant huffs. “Okay yes right now it’s just a rocking chair in the middle of nothing. But I was thinking _bookshelves_.” He waved his hands around the space. “And maybe a couple couches? No TV’s, but that old fashioned jukebox from May’s that you like so much? It’d be a place for you to read all day, Pete.” 

“…you want to turn this into a library for me?” Peter asked slowly, _incredulously_ , and fought against a grin when his goofy ass boyfriend lit up with a huge smile. “Really?” 

“You love the idea, don’t you?” Wade waggled his eyebrows excitedly and Peter conceded, “I love the idea.” 

“Okay, wait right here! I got you something in the mail and I just have to go find it real quick, don’t move.” Wade was gone in a flash, charging up the stairs before Peter could fuss about being left alone in the creepy basement or complain that the door didn’t really open from this side yet because Wade hadn’t fixed it which meant Peter was essentially trapped until Wade found whatever he was looking for and came back. 

“Ugh.” Peter made a face at a spider as it scurried away– no comments, thank you, he was well aware it was fucking ridiculous to hate spiders but come on. The things were icky– and then sighed over loud. “Well, at least there’s a rocking chair to sit in.”

He trudged to the middle of the room to sit down on the sort of surprisingly _pretty_ rocking chair, the middle section worn from at least a thousand sittings and the arm rests not only comfortably wide enough but also overly thick. Clearly an antique rocking chair, which were always the best sort of rocking chair and Peter let himself smile a little bit because _wow_ did Wade know him well if he’d gone out and bought an old fashioned chair for what was supposed to be Peter’s very own library. 

“Fuck I love you, you ridiculous merc.” Peter whispered and sank into the chair with a happy little sigh. “Oh yeah, I could hang out here for days. Surrounded by books? May’s jukebox in the corner? Damn Wade, I guess you do know– oh? What’s this?” 

The first tentative rock in the chair had rubbed Peter’s butt right over an uncomfortable raised part in the chair and he wriggled a few times, frowned and readjusted until he wasn’t sitting on it anymore. 

Huh, must be so well used that the middle had ended up with a weird hump in it. No worries, he could always put a cushion or something on it. Not a deal breaker. 

“Ow!” Peter jumped up when he rocked forward again and something jabbed him in the butt _hard_. “What the _fuck_ –” he felt along the seemingly innocuous seat until he found a small piece that shifted when he pushed at it, and when Peter frowned and tilted the chair forward to get a better view in the light, the entire four-by-four panel slid away and up popped–

“Are you fucking kidding me.” 

It was a dildo. An honest to god sort of shocking thick _dildo_ , just rubbery enough to wobble in the air when Peter flicked at it, sturdy enough to apparently not bend when it had poked him in the ass a minute ago. 

It took all of about eight seconds for Peter to put together exactly what was happening, and he wasn’t sure whether to shout in annoyance at his stupid ass boyfriend or scream with laughter over Wade’s sex-related creativity when he put his toe on one of the rockers and moved the chair… and the dildo moved with it.

_Up and down._

_Up and down._

Wade had rigged the panel to slide out of the way so the dildo could spring free every time someone rocked forward in the chair. 

Laughter won out, and Peter collapsed on the basement floor holding his sides as they split with hilarity. Who in the hell– and why in the hell– and was there any chance at all Wade didn’t think Peter would find this– and seriously what the hell–

“ _Oh_.” It took another eight seconds for Peter to figure it out. Oh, Wade had _definitely_ left it for him. There was no other possible explanation for the merc essentially locking Peter down in the murdery and now slightly sex-deviant basement. 

“ _Oh_.” 

Well, Peter hadn’t ended up with someone like Wade because he was an unadventurous prude, so after a quick check around the basement to make sure none of ~~his people~~ the spiders were watching, Peter did the only responsible thing and shucked right out of his jeans, shrieked a little from the cold and then fished the ever present lube out of his back pocket and said a quiet prayer of thanks to patron saint of horny that they had switched to warming lube just last week. 

“Dildo-y rocking chair, babe?” Peter asked out loud as he kicked out of his jeans and settled his ass back on the seat. “My oh my.” 

Upon closer inspection, there was a plastic bag over the dildo and Peter thoroughly appreciated that, so he whisked it away and scrambled for his pants again to grab a condom– honestly, he was like a damn boy scout these days, always prepared for Wade’s shenanigans and boy _howdy_ if it wasn’t working out well right now– and opened it wide over the er– _appendage_ before slicking it up with lube. 

“Okay so does my ass need to be here….?” Peter scooched a little bit, checked between his legs to see if the hidden dong panel had opened, scooched a little further and “EEK!” yep, there it was. 

“Here we go.” 

Peter took a deep breath, spread his legs a little further and said another prayer to the patron saint of horny as a thank you that he was still pretty loose from this morning, and sent the chair a _rockin_ ’.

Alright so the first rock was a little too hard and there wasn’t anything like getting basically punched in the butt by a dildo to make a man scream, but Peter wasn’t a damn quitter so he quieted his embarrassed little shriek and tried again. 

Okay the second– the second time was nice, just a little bit of pressure right at his hole and _ohhhh_ it burned a little cos Wade had been rough earlier but it was still enough to make Peter sigh, to make his fingers tighten at the overly reinforced arm rests. 

The key was short movements, little dips forward and then back to rub the dildo just right at his ass, just enough to make Peter moan and his dick to perk up. The lube warmed quickly and once he got over the murdery basement shyness, Peter used some more to stroke himself idly in time to the nudges and slides at his rear, lazy and almost slow with the rocking because yeah okay, it was sort of nice to rock himself towards an orgasm. 

It was like hands free humping and he was a fan of _that_. 

“ _Mmmm_.” Way more relaxed than he’d originally thought, Peter bit off a surprised gasp when the thick dildo caught at his rim and nearly penetrated, jerked forward a little in shock at the twist of pleasure pain, then cried out loud when the lube and condom slick toy popped right inside a good half inch and _stuck_. 

“O–oh.” Peter gulped, legs splayed awkwardly to keep the chair from moving anymore forward, not sure if he should back up and let it pull out because this sorta cross the line from ‘lol isn’t this funny’ to ‘oh am I doing it with a chair?’ and while that was a line Wade wouldn’t hesitate to leap across, Peter had a few more reservations. 

But as it turned out, not _that_ many reservations because after a few seconds of consideration, he rocked forward and tossed his head back and moaned loud and long when the weight piece shoved inside inch by tortuous inch the further forward he tilted the seat. 

“Fuck.” The reinforced arm grips made sense all the sudden, because Peter tore gouges in them when he had at least six inches of dick inside him and he still couldn’t feel the base of the thing. “Oh f-f- _fuck_.” 

Now all he had to do was eeeeeease off it and Peter whined, bit through his lip and tried not to scream when texture he hadn’t noticed on the way in became ridiculously apparent on the way out, rubbing against his prostate and catching at his rim until he was seeing fireworks behind his lids and nearly drooling. 

“Oh my god.” he choked out. “Oh my–” 

Yep, forward again because honestly, who wouldn’t? The first push had been a burn but now it was just a _stretch_ and Peter wriggled and shifted his ass on the seat until everything lined up just right and his toes could reach as far as he needed to push back off the cock and ho ho holy crap that was so good, that was so good, he could honestly _marry_ Wade for this, what the fuck. 

“Yesssss.” One hand along the back of the rocking chair, the other planted on the seat made for perfect leverage and Peter went to _town_ on the damn thing, back and forth hard enough to make the rocking chair squeak, the dildo squelching and slipping as it plunged in and out of his hole, the lube warm and almost too wet around his dick and Peter was concentrating too hard on the chair to worry about his cock. He’d finished without touching himself before, being fucked like this– uh fucking _himself_ like this?– would certainly do the job. 

In fact the only thing possibly hotter, the only thing that would make Peter’s eyes roll back and his limbs give right the hell out is if it was _Wade_ fucking him deep and good like this, if he could feel the heavy sac slapping against his thighs and hear his boyfriend practically growling in his ear– 

“Baby boy.” 

“ _Fuck_!” Stars bursting behind Peter’s eyes as his feet slipped on the basement floor and the dildo shoved up and _up_ into him, heavy against his prostate and full enough to make him scream and god, hearing Wade call him ‘baby boy’ never failed to send him over the edge–

“What the fuck are you doing on my chair?” 

“Eek! Wade!” 

Aw shit Wade was really there and apparently wholly disapproving but you know what, it was too late and Peter was already too far past gone, his cock jerking and shooting all over his stomach as he lurched forward on the seat and ground back onto the dildo helplessly, shivering and gasping through every pulse until he was empty and worn the hell out and consequently, embarrassed as shit. 

“‘Eek, Wade?’” Wade put up quotations in the air and scowled down at Peter. “That’s all you have you to say for yourself? ‘Eek Wade’?”

“I mean—” Peter was panting, loose limbed and practically boneless as he draped over the arm rest, knees wide open and slick dildo on full display still halfway inside him. “–I’ve said worse when I finish, right? What about the time I yelled Geronimo?” 

“Yeah that was a weird day, but you and your nut-phrases aside, I went upstairs to get you a present and you defile my chair?!” Wade threw his hands up in the air. “What the hell, Pete? Did I not dick the hell out of you this morning? You were drooling when I was done with you!” 

“Yeah. Drooling right now, too.” Peter grinned and lifted a lazy hand to wipe the spit from his mouth, then rocked a few times and hummed low and content when the dildo thrust deep again. “Best present ever, babe.” 

“That’s not your present!” Wade was still scowling, but the seriousness of his expression was completely ruined by the way his cock was nearly bursting from his pants, a wet splotch staining the front of his jeans. “Now I will admit, watching you get off on that thing will be in my spank bank for the next eight hundred and forty two years but _seriously_ Pete. Why would you see a dildo in the wild and automatically jump on it? Who does that? You need Jesus.” 

“Says the ‘ho who has a didlo rocking chair.” Peter wasn’t concerned at all, idly rocking himself back and forth on the thing and scooping the mess up from his stomach to shove into his mouth. 

“This is my new favorite thing. We’re breaking up and I’m keeping this. I have no more need for your dick.” 

“Skank.” 

“ _Slut_.” Peter grinned, and finally Wade relented and grinned too. “Seriously though, why the hell do you have this? Why do you have a slutty slutty rocking chair in the middle of a murder basement?” 

“Uh hey? I’m _Deadpool_.” Wade said by way of explanation, and Peter snorted in agreement. “She was my girl Friday before I had your booty to plunder, but she’s been in storage for a while. Figured now that we have a house, she could come back out to play. By the way, still pissed off you used my chair. Betsy is my favorite.” 

“Your rocking chair with a dick has a girl’s name?” 

“Damn straight.” 

“Aw Betsy.” Peter purred down at the seat. “I love you, I sure do.” 

“I knew you would.” Wade finally got close to give Peter a kiss, then tipped the chair back fast enough and far enough to extricate _Betsy_ right from Peter’s ass, and he only smiled when Peter shrieked in surprise. “But she’s mine. You can have a nice normal dick less couch to read all the books I bought you for your library.” 

“All the books you bought me–” Peter’s eyes widened, then bugged out almost comically big when he saw the three big boxes Wade had carried down the stairs while he was – _ahem_ – otherwise engaged. “You bought me books?” 

“So many books.” Wade confirmed. “Figured we could just build some shelves but I wanted you to have something to read right away. Thought it would make the basement a little less murdery.” 

“It one hundred percent does.” Peter’s eyes softened and he leaned up to kiss Wade again. “Thank you. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Wade patted at Peter’s bare behind then grimaced when his hand came away drenched. “Good god, Pete, how much lube did you need?” 

“Betsy’s big!” Peter defended, jogging over half naked to start digging through the books. “I had to be prepared!” 

“You look completely ridiculous with your dick out and all those books in your hands.” Wade decided, and Peter whirled around with a fully devilish smile to announce, “Well maybe if _you_ take a seat on Betsy, _I’ll_ take a seat on your lap and we can read and rock _together_. Will that make it up to you?” 

“Uhh—” Wade always knew investing in stripper worthy tear away pants would come in handy, and that moment was _now_ as he ripped his jeans right off with one hand and plopped his happy ass down and Betsy and–

“Ouch!” He yelped and jumped back up, rubbing at his butt. “Man, that first poke is _awful_.” 

“ _You’re_ awful.” Peter came back with his arms full of books and eyes shining with laughter. “I love you.” 

“I’d love you more if you didn’t use all the lube on ol’ Bets here.” 

************

_{{Hey! Did you guys know I started a side blog on Tumblr just for all those Rated E for Nekkid stories and prompts I should definitely be writing?_

_You can find it[ **HERE** ](https://ncts-rated-e-for-nekkid.tumblr.com/)and drop an ask or prompt on it [HERE](https://ncts-rated-e-for-nekkid.tumblr.com/ask)!}}_

“I’m like a boy scout.” Peter held up their other bottle and Wade pumped his fist in excitement. “Lube her up.” 


End file.
